Weddings are one of the biggest events in our lives. There are various wedding styles with their related customs around the world.
The other day, I had a chance to attend a Malay wedding party. Although only close relatives and friends are usually invited to a wedding party in Japan, everybody is invited to the Malay style wedding party called a “Kenduri”. You don’t have to stay from the beginning to end, but simply come when you are ready, eat, and leave; how easy going!
Some people attend the party even though they don’t know the bride or groom. The smaller the town, the more guests are invited and served a special dinner.
Traditionally, the hosts prepare the dinner with the help of their neighbors and invite guests to their home, although nowadays many people use catering services or hold the event in a public hall; this is especially true in big cities.

Buffet-style lunch including fried chicken or beef stew. For dessert, curry puff and Nyonya Kuih made of rice and coconut milk.

At the party I attended, guests started eating before the bride and groom appeared, and some left without seeing them. Many parties are held on auspicious dates in the calendar, so it’s not unusual to be invited to three or four parties on the same date. The bride and groom appear about one and a half hours after the party has started.
As a Japanese person, I felt slightly at odds with this custom. However, I discovered that although “Kenduri” originally meant preparing a feast for the poor and orphaned children, it has gradually been expanded to a dinner for one’s relatives, friends and neighbors, so I can understand that eating before the bride and groom and leaving early is not impolite. In spite of this, I stayed at the party until the end.

Malay couples wear outfits of matching colors for the ceremony.

At a Japanese wedding party, the important thing is for the hosts to share time with their guests over a dinner, from the first toast to the end of the party. It’s a party style very much with a culture of enjoying alcohol. However, because of their religion, Malay people don’t drink alcohol, so don’t toast during the party; they start eating anytime, finish quickly and then go home and this style must seem very normal for them.
For a traditional Japanese wedding party, alcohol is a must. We can relax, talk a lot, enjoy more the taste of the food, and enjoy sitting with a good drink. Sake, as alcoholic is called in Japan, is a part of Japanese culture and is always connected with food. In the Muslim world, however, there is no culture of drinking alcohol (a quarter of the world’s population is Muslim and increasing, so perhaps in the future, the alcohol-drinking population will get smaller!) For a person like me who loves a good drink, my first experience to attend a Malay wedding made me feel somewhat anxious.

new trend of a small cake as a take-away gift. Traditionally, boiled eggs are prepared which are said to bring someone a lot of children.

Reported by Makiko Wada, Sugawara Institute