Do you know about Erikson’s Developmental Social Psychology? According to his study, people establish and acquire their personalities as they go through 8 developmental stages from birth to death. What they experience in each stage significantly influence on forming their personalities. From birth to the age of 2, babies should receive unconditional loving skin ship. Beyond the age of three is the stage for children to learn how to become independent.
During this stage, children shall be respected and given free choices on what they do no matter how small the items are. Children who have the right to select even the clothes and shoes to wear for the day or the books to read for the night, will become responsible, independent person and be less willing to become a violent adult described in the previous article. But if the children are deprived of their free choices and controlled by their mother or father (or both) on what they do, those children are more apt to become a brutal person like the man described previously.
There is also a case that some children lose their self-esteem when they have siblings of their parents’ boast. When parents treat their children significantly different ways, the one who receives negative attitudes or words tends to feel neglected, unloved, and hopeless.
There is another case that some children may have low self-esteem when they fail to meet up with their parents’ expectations. Though this should not happen, some parents may lose affections and interests in their own children just because their children do not follow what they wish. In such case, children will not be able to see good parts of them; instead, they always strive for affection. Therefore, they become blind to a true love. They do not recognize to be abused by their partner, so they do not know how to get away from the vicious cycle.
Children who had such experiences in their childhood may grow up to hate their parents. Some people may become so hostile that they act astoundingly just to disappoint their parents, by quitting a good job and working at night clubs instead for instance. A movie, “Memories of Matsuko” allows you to simulate the similar tragic life.
Then, what can parents do to avoid such disaster from happening? Well, they need to accept and praise their children equally with love. Even if your children have already grown big enough, it is still important to show your love, to praise for what they do, and to accept who they are. Let your children choose what they want to do. Even if you think they have taken a path leading to an opposite way from a rich, promising future, you still need to take a stance as a supporter and believe in them.
To believe is also to become optimistic. No matter how terrible incidents may seem to happen, just believe that everything will turn to a happy end. At the end of each day, say a prayer of thanks for giving us a wonderful day.
It is often said that a meditation over half an hour can bring us into a small universe. This means that even if an incident may seem so serious and confusing, you will soon feel confident enough to solve any problems. You will be released from confusion and have a clearer and calmer mind. You may not be able to delete fear or anxiety completely, but you can decrease 70% of them.
As a matter of fact, if we have an excellent life counselor, we would not have so many things to worry about. In old days, we used to have such excellent advisors in our neighborhood, the optimistic elderlies.
When we feel we are stuck as if we were at the bottom of a pool, all we need to do is to jump up at our full power!!! It may be so dark at the bottom, but we shall see a bright light above us. As we crawl up from water, we should be able to fly to a bright sky ahead of us.
If you think you have someone who has problems like narcissism or low self-esteem, please do not lid on them. Even if you do so, you do not solve the problems fundamentally. Instead, you will have unhappy, unsatisfied, and empty life and feel regretted for not having tried to give out hands for help in your last moments.